The number one spot, without question goes to that short hair devil, Jamie Lee Curtis. Curtis played Helen Tasker in the 1994 movie True Lies. True Lies is about Arnold who doesn’t tell his wife what he really does for a living. He pretends to be a boring husband/dad but really he’s a fucking killing machine. Arnie murdered two dogs within 6 minutes of the movie, take that PETA. Curtis plays a very simple looking wife who also works but is bored. This movie basically exist because Curtis was tired of living the American dream and wanted some action. Imagine having a loving husband and nice house? Gross.
I have to say I am bit triggered by what Jamie Lee does in this movie. She is tired of her “boring husband” As a boring husband, I am offended. It’s 2019, I am allowed to be offended by whatever I want. So, I am very much triggered by her actions. With that being said, Jamie Lee is the worst. Arnold is killing bad guys and coming home every night for dinner. Kisses his wife, loves his daughter and what does he get as a thank you? Oh, just Curtis having an affair with Bill Paxton (Bill Paxton is absolutely brilliant in this movie. RIP) Ole’ Billy calls her up pretending to be what Arnold actually is, and Curtis falls for it. She got cat fished in 1994, might have been one of the first. But in reality Billy was just a pervert car salesman who didn’t know a 9MM from a banana. (Ignore that Joke, wasn’t my best)
Arnold naturally finds out (He’s a fucking spy, of course he finds out) and decides you know what, you want to get nuts? Let’s get nuts! Arnold sets up a fake mission for his wife, sits in the shadows and uses a tape recorder so she doesn’t notice it’s him. Now what kind of husband will do that? My wife asked me to move over on the couch and we fought for 20 minutes. Now, I will admit the lap dance part was kind of hot. Lee Curtis is not a bad looking woman. I like her short hair and long butt everyday of the week. During the dancing Arnold tells her to lay on the bed. He tries to get romantic and Lee Curtis smashes the fucking phone on his head. She doesn’t mind Billy Paxton tonguing that mouth but not her own husband? Then Lee Curtis and Arnold get caught by real bad guys. The sweet angel face Tia Carrere injects Arnold with truth juice and he spills the beans. How do you think Lee Curtis took the news? Not great. She was very judgmental for a woman who went behind her husbands back with a used care salesman.
Arnold then does what Arnold does and single handily kills about 45 bad guys while protecting his judgmental wife. Meanwhile when Lee Curtis was out living her fantasies their daughter was taken by the main bad guy. I don’t know his name in real life or in the movie but his hair line is something to be marveled at. The movie ends with Arnold saving the day and Lee Curtis getting into a fist fight in a limo. Which to be honest I think she lost.
To sum everything up, Jamie Lee Curtis was incredibly selfish throughout the entire movie. Never once thanked Arnold for his service, not once thanked him for saving the world numerous times, and not once thanked him for not divorcing her after she cheated on him. Jamie Lee Curtis had the ‘Can I speak to your manager’ hair, the dork glasses and the dance moves of a school teacher. She didn’t support her husband and never knew where her daughter was. She probably didn’t even realize she had been taken until she saw her hanging from the God damn military jet. Without question, Jamie Lee Curtis is the most deserving for my number 1 spot.