Top 5 Worst Action Movie Female Co-Stars #2: Talia Shire, Rocky

Talia Shire played Adrian in the 1976 movie Rocky. I will start by saying don’t give me shit about this not being an action movie. I understand the first one won an Oscar and it is far more of a drama than an action movie but the 4 other Rocky’s Shire starred in are far from drama’s, I would classify them as classic action dramas, so don’t nit pick my ass here.

Now that I have that cleared up, Adrian is the worst. She was a four eyed geek who worked at a pet store and this hunk of a local boxer somehow became interested in her. That is like winning the lottery for some people. And what does she do? She turns him down, several times. She made Rocky work for it. I don’t get it. She is making $3.20 in the pet store and is 1 thousand percent a virgin and refuses the Italian Stallion. I think they should have made Rocky change his nickname because he clearly is not a stallion. There were literally dogs in the pet store Adrian worked at better looking than her. But Adrian let her guard down and finally accepted a date with Rocky. Now, I haven’t seen the first one in some time. A good writer would have watched all the movies and then wrote this but I’m not a good writer, so fuck off. I will be doing my analysis by memory.

After Rocky’s first fight with Apollo and Rocky screamed “ADRIAN”. I personally think that went to Adrians head. A little bit of fame and fortune and she becomes a monster. Throughout the Rocky movies she is constantly screaming at Rocky to not fight, to retire, you’re going to die! Ugh, hey Debbie Downer, take a chill pill. Rocky is fighting so you can live in your big fancy house and afford your fur coats. Here’s an idea Adrian, Rocky will retire and you can go back to the pet store where they paid you in Philly cheese steak coupons, I am sure that will pay the mortgage. Does she even care that this man is risking his body for her happiness? She only screams “You’re going to get yourself killed!” But I bet she is not screaming that when she’s driving in her brand new car.

Another terrible thing about Adrian is her piece of shit freeloading brother, Paulie, this fucking guy. He is a fat, smelly, out of work drunk who leaches off Rocky and Adrian until he drinks himself to death. (Spoiler Alert) Training and fighting are hard enough, add a worthless brother in law and non supportive wife, you get Rocky The Depressed Stallion. It is a miracle Rocky won any fights. As far as I know Adrian barely showed up to any of Rocky’s fight. But you bet your sweet ass she was the first one in line at the bank to cash that check. Adrian is a gold digging, dorky, non supportive wife and I am surprised it took them 6 moves until they killed her off. (Again, Spoiler Alert)

I know there is going to be a B side that argues Adrian was looking out for Rocky and had his best interest in mind. I disagree with that side but I know there will be an argument to be made. But how about the argument that she is a terrible Mother? Rocky Jr. gets bullied at school and beat up by E from Entourage. No seriously, he does.

Now what kind of mother lets her son get beat up by the worst cast member of Entourage? She doesn’t let Rocky teach his son self defense or even mention boxing around the poor guy. He got beat up in front of the girl he likes. Good bye at touching those boobs anytime soon kid. Adrian is very non confrontational and she raised a pussy son to be that way too. Sad.

In all 5 movies Adrian was in she was easily the worst part. Sometimes during the slower moments in the movie I wonder how good Rocky could have been if he married a different woman. I have to imagine Rocky thinks that too.

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