Top 5 Action Movie Villains: #1 Simon Phoenix

Yes sir! Simon Phoenix is the clear cut number one Action Movie Villain. Wesley Snipes, I know you’re reading this, time to pop them bottles baby! You finally won something. Simon Phoenix is the villain from the 1993 movie Demolition Man. If you haven’t see the movie then stop what you’re doing, ignore your kids, don’t go to work and watch the movie 15 times in a row. Sandy Bullock, Sly Stallone, the fat guy from Beetlejuice, what more do you need. The movie’s plot is so preposterous that it is simply amazing. Simon Phoenix was a criminal and then he freezes himself to avoid getting caught. Sly Stallone decides to give up his entire life and freeze himself too so he can be the one to take down Simon. How absurd is that? My best take I think I ever had was that current me could be a screen writer in the early 90’s, without question.

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Simon gets unfrozen and immediately kills the people at the lab. Cuts a dudes eye out and uses it to escape. He quickly changes into one of the more iconic outfits in cinema history. Blue jean overalls with an orange shirt underneath. Simon Phoenix is one of the first black guys to cut his hair that style (guessing) and then dye it blonde. His look was way ahead of its time, which is ironic because the movie is set in the future and they got everything wrong and I’m talking everything. No toilet paper? No cussing? Only Taco Bell restaurants available? Wild stuff.

First order of business for Simon is to get some cash. He destroys a few policemen in the process, just an everyday Tuesday for SP. Simon is all about cash, ass and grass baby. With a little bit of firepower as well. See, Simon is a cold blooded killer but also smart as a whip. That’s why dumbass Sly Stallone couldn’t catch him in the past and had to freeze himself to try and compete with Simon. Sly is always playing catch up, what a loser. Simon gets all the weapons he needs at a museum and decides to make friends with powerful people on the surface and under. He goes underground and teams up with Jesse the Body Ventura and basically becomes unstoppable. I mean, nobody’s fucking with this guy. At this point in the movie there has been like 3-4 fights between Simon and Sly and Simon beats the shit out of Stallone each time. I wonder if that is in Stallone’s movie contract. Like hey Sly, you’re going to get the shit kicked out of you for the entire movie but then you will come back and win.

Simon, along with some corrupt politicians try and take over the modern world. Sandy and Sly are trying to stop this from happening(while also humping). Simon decides he is tired of the suits and kills everybody. The final fight scene is back at the lab where he was frozen. Sly shows up with a ridiculous beret on. Sly gets punched about 1,500 times and the God damn thing never comes off, it doesn’t even move! What the fuck is that about? Anyway, the fight is one sided as usual and then out of nowhere Sly throws down some kind of freezing gun thing and freezes Simon right before he was about to kill Sly. Then Sly kicks his  frozen head off his fucking body. The only true way to go out as an ultimate villain.

Simon Phoenix is and might always be the best villain in action movies. Wesley Snipes should have retired after this movie. Simon Phoenix forever.

I will leave you with the museum scene. Enjoy.

 

 

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