Top 5 Action Movie Villains: #5 Simon Gruber

I am so sick of hearing about Hans Gruber. Alan Rickman played the character wonderfully but enough of having  him at number 1 on your list, Buzzfeed. Hans is not on this list and for good reason. However, his brother Simon Gruber is. Played by Jeremy Irons in the 1995 film Die Hard with a Vengeance. It is not the original Die Hard but it is a solid third installment. I like it better than Die Hard 2. Die Hard 2 was for morons and people who really like Bruce Willis, like my good friend Josh. Who I believe would suck a warehouse full of dicks to be in the same room as Bruce, not an exaggeration.

But this isn’t about John McClain or Bruce, this is about the master of terror Simon Gruber. He was out for Vengeance, thus the name of the movie, for his brother Hans. Simon was smart, ruthless and smart. Did I mention he was smart? All those fun riddles that Sam Jackson and Bruce had to solve to help save innocent people. Simon had such a calmness to him and he had a plan. Fun Fact, the phrase “Man with a plan” was named after Simon Gruber. Simon doesn’t get alot of attention because he is Hans brother and was the bad guy in a third installment movie but trust me when I tell you do not want to be left alone in a room with that monster. He also had a crazy hot chick who would slit your throat just because Simon says. Get it? Brilliant.



Simon did the whole Simon Says thing while having Bruce and Sam running all through the streets of New York. He did riddles, placed a fake bomb in a school and was always 3 steps ahead of ‘Detective McClain’ If it wasn’t for some portly, oddly smart dump truck driver, who helped spaghetti brain McClain figure out who the 21st President was. Put the booze down John and read a fucking book.

Like all these villains on this list the good guys always win. Simon was caught by John McClain after the help of like fucking 30 people and some electronic store owner who didn’t know how to fire a gun (I am looking at you Sam Jackson) McClain used his 6 shooter and hit a miracle shot that he could never hit again. McClain shot Simon’s helicopter down killing him and his sweet angel Katya. John took Hans down by himself with the help of Carl Winslow and McClain needed the entire city to get Simon. So I have to ask, Hans who?


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