I have had this conversation numerous times with my friends and I thought I would share with the world. Here are 6 names in no particular order. (Editors Note: Most of these are going to be 80’s-90’s Action Stars. I don’t touch base too much on The Avengers, who I would destroy and conquer)
- The entire cast of The Expendables with the exception of Randy Couture, who is barely even an actor. The dog from Air Bud has more range than Randy Couture. The bear from The Revenant would act circles around Couture. However, the rest of the cast would get stomped.
- Next up, Bruce Willis. Willis is 5’6 and 145 pounds soaking wet. He couldn’t punch or act his way out of a paper bag. I would ruin him like Ashton Kutcher ruined his marriage. Mr. John McClane himself wouldn’t give me much of a fight.
- Liam Neason wouldn’t stand a chance. I know he’s tall and is in pretty good shape for being damn near 70, but I’d break his Irish hip. If I were in the Taken movies they wouldn’t have made 14 of them, it would have been over after the first scene. Sorry Liam, have another pint mate.
- Steven Seagal is my dream fight. If I ever run into that painted hair, yellow glasses wearing, woman beating fuck, I’d force feed him his pony tail. This guy is so delusional that he makes Dennis Rodman appear normal. I would literally drop everything I was doing to fight this guy. Birth of my second child? Sorry honey, Steven Seagal is in town and I have to go kick his ass. My wife is so understanding she would be very much on board with that. I’m coming for you Steven Seagal, you talking walrus.
- Tom Cruise is still a big action star, let that sink in America. I won’t touch on his religion because I don’t care what people believe, but I will touch on the volleyball scene from Top Gun. I mean, really? How is the audience suppose to believe this guy is tough, let alone straight, after that volleyball scene. If Tom Cruise didn’t make a deal with the devil or whatever he believes in, then that scene would have ruined most careers. I wasn’t going to put Tom Cruise on this list because if we ever fought it would be like me picking on a 7th grader with scholiosis, but I had to speak on the volleyball scene. It has been bothering me since the early 90’s.
This final one is something I have argued for many years. Friends always ask if I could beat Bruce Lee, absolutely 100 percent yes. Bruce Lee was an actor, make no mistake about it. He clearly knew some form of karate or kung fu or whatever doesn’t work anymore in 2017. He played pretend for a living and he had everyone fooled about how big of a badass he was. One inch punch? More like one inch in his pants. Listen, RIP to Bruce and I respect that Martial Artist pay homage to him, but let’s not forget that he is a tiny man who was an actor from Seattle. Thats like saying the big ugly fuck who was in Revenge of the Nerds and in Bloodsport is a world renowed tough guy, wrong. Just an giant ugly actor playing prented. Out of all the people I just named I personally think Bruce Lee would be my easiest.